The Long Road Home

I have been back in El Salvador for one week today and it has been a challenge, to say the least. I quite forgot the rough edges of day-to-day life that is the Peace Corps El Salvador experience. After being away from the cabin for more than 40 consecutive days it was in a state of messy disarray when I finally returned. In fact, my second night home, after coming back from my host family’s house after dinner, I interrupted a rather large rat inside the cabin perched on a shelf against the wall adjacent to the front door where I have all my bathroom finery. Wonderful, I think to myself as I hastily grab for some fatal weapon to duel with this intruding, pestilent fiend, having overcome the initial surprise of the unwelcome visitor. I later discovered a soap bar half eaten, left in its wake. It seems that soap has a rats version of cat nip stored within; they can’t seem to get enough of it. I found the remnants of two others the day before, eaten sometime during my vacation.
The weather has been depressing me further, with long, dark, rainy, and overcast days. It had rained three days consecutively since I arrived, another three prior to my arrival I had been told. The consequence: everything is wet, impregnated with mildew and rot or flirting with the idea, and mud scattered across cloths, floors, hands, and faces. This will take some getting used to, I think to myself.
I had done it all before, and with a light and enthusiastic air more times than not. But this time around my reactions are quite different. Fresh from the good life, surrounded by the abundance and comfort which characterizes so much of American life, my outlook on the situation is now admittedly colored, playing to a different tune. And I can’t help but wonder, why? Why have I come back. At once I feel very selfish and self-involved for pouting over my sudden (albeit planned) change in living circumstances. Carlos, a 16 year old in the community had recently lost a greater portion of his right thumb just last week after having caught it in a chain linkage while working in the field. How can I even begin to lament the difficulties of returning in light of the challenges Salvadorans daily face? It’s comforting really to reflect on our comparative realities, a humble reminder of how fortunate we are, a reservoir of strength to draw from. I’m okay, I say. I can do this…